It's almost Turkey time and the countdown begins... who's the turkey now?

I was in the PX today, picking up mouthwash and dental floss when a flustered acquaintance rushed up to me telling me she was picking up some "last" minute Christmas gifts for family back home. It frightened me that she was using the words "last minute", this meant the clock had started ticking and the race of "I finished my Christmas shopping (blank) weeks ago" was on! Of course, I hate this race because I always finish last, if I even participate.

I find it most challenging to maintain an appearance that is in no way offensive to the mother who is sharing her holiday story of how she sacrificed the last 3 weeks at the local blood bank in order to fulfill her deserving child's dream of being the proud owner of the #1 most desired gift 2008.
I understand how important it is to get the perfect gift at whatever cost.
I don't know what the kids want for dinner not to mention Christmas and I have to be honest, don't think they know either.
The festive part of the season is lurking around the corner, can you hear the joy in my voice? (cha-ching)

If you must shop for us, pick up something that makes you happy and don't worry if it doesn't make it by Christmas.

To all American Citizens,
Below you are provided a list of requirements for to achieve Christmas Cheer, if you choose not to complete all of the listed demands you are at risk public shame and lifelong guilt.
1. You will appear jovial at all times.
2. Wear festive attire with either red or green, light up accessories are encouraged (batteries are not included).
3. Provide addresses of the last 100 people you have met in your life, write them a note and appear to be sincere, if this is not possible then a newsletter advertising your family's achievements in the last year will suffice.
(I had a hard time remembering my address of the last 8 years and now I am expected to achieve this?)
4. Kill a tree and if one is not available, purchase and assemble one at your local retailer...color optional.
5. Bake, bake and bake some more. If you are unable to bake, go to your closest retailer to purchase a candle in the scent of "home baked (fill in the blank)"and pick up your fresh baked (fill in the blank) on your way out.
6. If at any time you feel the pressure holiday cheer, no worries, just stop by customer support at your local retailer for assistance.
7. Be reminded that all requirements need to be completed by a designated date. If you choose to fault this deadline a late fee will be charged but to help you avoid these fines our local retailer and publicity specialists have volunteered to provide you with a daily countdown clock and notify you when you have moved from the green zone to the amber zone. Please, for the best interest of your festive integrity follow the provided guidelines.

Its always at this time of the year that I consider buying a Costco membership.

Later, while grocery shopping a co-worker invited us to their house for Thanksgiving dinner (out of pity) because we are choosing to eat at the Dining Facility on post. Call it our overseas tradition, but eating at the Dining Facility is our number one choice, they do a great job, the price is reasonable, no one is left out, bank accounts aren't drained and the government foots the bill, who wouldn't call that a reason to give thanks?

More happy thoughts...